Greetings to all as we look forward to new experiences and adventures in the New Year of 2012. For me, it is time to begin moving forward from some very difficult lessons I learned during 2010 and 2011.
My blog pen name, Aurora Renata, is derived from Latin, meaning "the dawn of my re-birth". I have chosen this pseudonym to reflect my recognition of the opportunity I have taken for healing from a lifetime of painful experiences and memories, forgiving and burying the ghosts of my old life, and building a new life that truly embraces all that I hold dear. This opportunity came to me, of course, by way of a personal crisis: the most challenging crisis I have ever faced as an adult. During the past year-and-a-half of my life, these events have caused me to re-evaluate every facet of my life, from childhood to present.
In July of 2010, I was assaulted by my husband of 13 years, after intervening to stop him from viciously bullying my 12-year-old son. He was very intoxicated at the time of his assault; a culmination of years of progressive alcoholism and negative controlling behaviors which he repeatedly refused to seek help for, and which made life increasingly difficult and unhappy for my sons and myself. His assault sent both physical and emotional shock waves through me, and my vision went black for a few moments after he struck me in the face. As soon as I could see again, I felt as though I had temporarily floated outside of my body as I watched myself turn and walk silently toward my cell phone on the kitchen table, then pick it up to dial 911.
I was kept on the phone by the emergency center dispatcher for approximately 12 minutes, at which point 3 police officers arrived at my home. My husband was immediately removed from my presence and arrested, while I filed a detailed crime report with one of the officers. My oldest son remained in his bedroom crying out hysterically, while my youngest stood quietly by my side the entire time the police were in my home. After I filed my report, the police handcuffed my husband and took him away, with my very upset sons watching from their bedroom windows. The entire scene was very surreal for me.
My husband's assault upon me, that evening, finally awakened me to the realization that I needed to take a strong stand against all further alcoholism and abusive behavior in my home and my life, if I was to ensure a promising future for my sons and I. Unfortunately, the strong stand I took against my husband's violence, alcohol abuse, and years of emotional abuse and controlling behaviors, resulted in vitriolic personal attacks against me by numerous family members. Within a few brief months after his assault, he had manipulated the situation to his advantage by turning against me not only members of his family, but also my own mother, father and only sister. Within a year afterwards, due to the impact of his manipulative behaviors, I had also lost the support of two close female friends.
Had I been able to anticipate how my stand against my husband's abuse would lead to divisiveness and loss of support for my sons and I from family and friends on both sides of the fence, I may have hesitated in fear of the consequences; because upon finalization of my divorce, I found myself utterly without any close outside support to help with my sons. I felt devastated, isolated and alone. In the many months since my husband's assault, I have struggled to come to terms with broken relationships and isolation from people I had loved and cared about throughout my life.
However, a year-and-a-half after my (now) ex-husband's assault, I also find myself free ... finally and truly free! ... from the pain and anxiety of constantly worrying about what kind of atmosphere I will find at home at the end of the day. I no longer have to worry about his drinking, or his reckless spending habits that sunk us deep into debt. I no longer have to tip-toe around his stormy moods, mitigate his emotionally abusive behaviors that made morning routines before school anxiety-ridden and sometimes tearful for my sons, or soften the blows of his criticism of every error of etiquette with my sons at the dinner table. I no longer have to share my bed with a man who stinks of stale alcohol and sleeps through the crying of a sick child. And I no longer have to seek solace, self-esteem, or emotional refuge for myself and my children in extra-curricular activities or in the company of friends.
Followers of various world religions believe in a Hell that exists in a nether world of the afterlife, filled with fire and lost souls writhing in agony. I, however, know of a real and present Hell that existed here on Earth for my sons and I, for 13 long years. But I found redemption, rescued my sons, and claimed for us a new life filled with far greater promise for our future ... and a real chance for happiness and peace!
With love,
Aurora Renata
If you find yourself living through the Hell of Domestic Violence, know that you do not need to await a crisis to change your life, for your crisis is already at hand!
For help or information, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224,
or visit their website: http://www.thehotline.org/
